an unexplainable desire to escape. not necessarily in the heat of things; it’s darkness consuming and unbearable. but too, in moments of immense joy and satisfaction. to be left alone, unguided and untouched. perhaps it is normal for one to feel as such; after lingering around too much, for too long. there were seldom intervals from which i could take a breather; to count my breaths into submission. enduring such weight to commit to these responsibilities; pressing down on me with a it’s pressure dispersed and equal at all angles. when i wasn’t doing this, i had to be doing that – and if i wasn’t, then what use would i be?
i’ve always felt an irrational obligation in doing something that had to result in an eventual outcome. doing this in order to get that done. there was always the need for an intention to exist, and for me to know completely what that purpose was. if and when i didn’t – i’d be in a complete and utter state of loss. the process held little significance; the objective was solely to attain position from point A to point M. all the countless, precious moments transiting were brushed aside. often, even ridiculed for their unhelpful presence, mocked for their sheer being.
it is taking time, attention and effort in seeking appreciation for these moments lingering in limbo. for the smallest things that go unnoticed, are often the most magical on hindsight.